Decline of the Traditional Family

 
by Daniel Shalik

Traditional families have been on the decline dramatically and have been the minority of households for the past four decades. Statistics have shown that "Families consisting of a married couple with children under age 18 have not been in a majority since 1967" (Price) . This trend has continued throughout the years, although it has shown signs of leveling off slightly. A traditional family is considered to be a married couple with children under the age of 18. Children of divorced parents carry feelings of guilt that affect their choices in marriages and careers. The guilt that the children feel resonates from the rationalization of the reasons why their traditional family disintegrated. Casualties of divorced parents postpone marriage in their own lives and choose meaningless relationships for fear of repeating their parents' mistakes. Others immerse themselves in inconsequential careers to fill the emotional void in their psychologically damaged lives. The casualties of the breakdown of the traditional family are the children who are affected emotionally and psychologically.
A higher percentage of suicides have been a result of children that come from non-traditional homes. In New York City, 2 out of every 3 teenage suicides are from broken homes (Troyer). The feelings of guilt from the children are unwarranted yet resolutions to expel these feelings are seldom dealt with through therapy. Emotional problems usually surface years later in adulthood as unresolved feelings of inadequacy remain hidden deep within the children of divorces. As one psychologist explains "Crime, violence, drug abuse, and homelessness are problems that arise from these situations and also weaken existing families" (Susan E. Klepp) .
Children's opinions are formulated at a young age based on their experiences that they have lived through. As more children are raised with dysfunctional families, the more a non -traditional family appears normal to them for that is all they know. This is one of the primary reasons for children of divorced parents or children of a one parent household to delay marriage in their own adult lives. The reasons for delaying marriage in adulthood vary from pursuing a career or simply not wanting to commit to a life long obligation of marriage for fear of repeating the same mistakes that their own parents made with their marriages. Fear of commitment to a monogamous relationship is also a major stumbling block for many people in today's ever changing society and many people do not want to feel stuck with one person for the rest of their lives.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau between 2000 and 2003 the average age for couples tying the knot the first time was 27 for men and 25 for women (Dye) . Other reasons that men and women have delayed marriage besides pursing careers is to further their education so that they could be economically independent. This has caused a dissemination of the core values of a traditional family through no fault of their own and not by choice. There are mitigating factors in society such as a weakened economy which deter young men and women from getting married and having children. Many young and older couples today decide that living together instead of getting married is a viable alternative. Divorces are expensive and statistics from the 1970 Census (Donovan, The decline of the Traditional Family) estimated that 500,000 households consisted of heterosexual unmarried couples. The 1970's decade also saw "Non-marital unions (couples living together but not married) and out of wedlock births [soar] particularly among the most financially pressured Americans" (Susan E. Klepp). Today, more than 3.7 million households fit that description. Although there are tax laws which would indicate that marriage would be economically positive for couples who decide to live together, the cost of divorce far outweighs the decision to walk down the aisle. The cost of divorce in 2008 is a minimum of $112 billion (Daly) annual cost to citizens from high rates of divorce and unmarried childbearing More importantly statistics have shown that as a proportion of all households,
married-couple households with children declined from "40 percent to 26 percent between 1970 and 1990" (Price). Contrarily and quite surprisingly "The percentage of single-parent families in the U.S. doubled between 1970 and 1990 from 6 percent to 12 percent of all families and from 11 percent to 24 percent of all households" (Price). The most alarming statistic is that 29 percent of all children born in this country between 2000 and 2003 were from parents who were unwed, and 23 percent of all children born between those years were below the poverty level. (Dye) Politicians love to talk about family values but their legislative actions do not support their election stump speech rhetoric. Economic realities have placed the traditional family on the brink of extinction. On the other hand the harsh economic realities have also cemented marriages even longer because of the cost of a divorce. It simply is expensive to get a divorce and the alternative to a two income earning household already brought many to the brink of economic disaster and poverty. The question remains to be seen whether or not divorce rates would be higher if the economy was in better shape.
Two income working adults have produced a latch key generation never seen before in history. Children are returning to their homes in the middle of the day after school without any adult supervision. Parents have delegated the responsibility of supervising the children to television and computer games to entertain their children to take the place of their presence. It is not economically expedient to pay for day care for 2 or 3 hours of the day while the working members of the household return from their jobs. Mothers are no longer sitting at home waiting for their children to walk through the door so they can help them with their homework. They are out working as a viable means to support the household and survive in today's world. The effect that the absence of parents has on the children will surely have a negative influence on their behavior and demeanor in years to come. Children from broken homes also felt abandoned and "There is evidence of anxiety, depression ,and anger as some children are shuffled from place to place and from relationship to relationship, fought over in custody battles, and left on their own while their parents work" (Susan E. Klepp).
Men are no longer the sole breadwinner of families. Gender roles have somewhat equalized themselves in regards to the parenting of children, whether or not the father still lives in the same household. Even though men took on a more meaningful role during the late 70's and early 80's "The amount of time that men contribute to housework has been increasing for decades, although married women remain more heavily engaged in housework and child care" (Susan E. Klepp).
The effect that the disintegration of a traditional family has on a society as a whole has more to do with future generations then it has to do with how we live our lives today as functioning households. People have an innate ability to adapt to changing situations, especially children. The concern that we should have for our children today is how they will regard family in the hierarchy of importance in their lives when they become adults. Spending time with your children is not overrated as being beneficial. Spending quality time with children, especially younger children, improves a child's ability to develop normally and interact socially among their peers. A University of North Carolina's Early Childhood Intervention Program found that children who received an enriched parenting and childhood program have increased the IQ's of children at the age of 5 more than children who had no interaction with their parents at all by the score of 105 to 85 (PHD).
There is an abundant amount of evidence supporting the advantages of a traditional family and its positive effects on children in their development and how they conduct their lives as adults as a result of interactions with their parents. The question then remains as to why there has been an opposite gradual decline and a lack of effort to return to the traditional family as a mainstay in society. Changes in sexual attitudes and behaviors occurred during the sexual revolution in the 1960's. The attitudes towards the behaviors of sexual promiscuity also changed during this time. Between 1969 and 1985, the number of young adults who did not believe that premarital sex was wrong increased by almost 35% (McNicholas) . This increased the number of pregnancies and more children were born into non- traditional homes, some not even knowing who their father was. As women became more independent and single working mothers were rapidly increasing, more children were being raised in one parent households and usually with the mother. Divorce became more socially acceptable in society because many more people were cohabitating openly and divorce was a natural viable option to leave a constricted traditional marriage when one or both of the partners were not happy with the arrangement. Divorce is not a life long choice either as evidenced in a study completed in 1999 where "Sixty percent of divorced people who remarry start out by living together. Conversely, a substantial number of divorced persons who live together in other relationships remarry." (Donovan, The decline of the Traditional Family) (Donovan, UB Today Archives)The institution of marriage is not an essential part in the decision making process of bearing children. As a result, many children enter new family arrangements where the adult role models in the household are not necessarily their natural parents. The new role or realm of a traditional family usually consists of children living with their mother and a father role figure who is not the natural father. Unconventional and dysfunctional family arrangements have complicated children's lives throughout the past few decades more than ever before in our history. Our families are much more complicated in today's society than they were just 50 years ago.
Studies have shown that it takes 2 or more years for a child to adjust to a breakup of a traditional family (Susan E. Klepp). Spending time with your children combined with patience, love and understanding will help them grow into well adjusted productive adults. Some children seem to thrive in single parent situations while others "suffer from a lack of adult attention and supervision, from the instability of their home lives, and from feelings of rejection" (Susan E. Klepp).Meeting the child's physiological needs of a loving parent child-relationship requires an adaptation in a post divorce scenario which involves both parents. It is necessary for the parents to keep their personal feelings aside towards their ex partner and keep their children's needs a top priority. Achieving this goal requires a delicate balancing act of will and compromise with the goal of the child's well being the primary motive in continuance for the love and support that is required for children because they are also suffering a loss.
The trend towards traditional families has been on an increase in the recent number of years however. Nearly 6 out of every 10 children now live with both biological parents according to a 2004 census bureau survey (Roberts) Changes in sociological experimentations of the family structure seemed to have grinded to a halt in modern years. In the year of 2000, 1,345,000 children were born to mothers outside of marriage and as a result poverty rates have risen. By the year 2000, "some 20% of children were living in poverty" (Susan E. Klepp). Working women earn less than their male counterparts even though they are the heads of households of 24% of all children born in the United States. An outstanding figure of 83% of children living with a single parent lives with their mothers. Another statistic that is lower than most tend to believe is that "Among the nearly 19 million children living with their unmarried biological mother, 18 percent were living in households where the mother had a partner" (Roberts) . This figure which seems quite low also reflects the economic hardships that single mothers face in raising their children on their own without the help of a partner. Children are suffering economically because of the displacement of the traditional family where only one parent raises their children and according to these statistics it is usually the mother.
Even though the figures might lead one to believe that the traditional family is on its way back because of a higher percentage of children living with 2 parents in recent years, the percentage has been shrinking again slightly (Susan E. Klepp) Many grandparents have taken on a supporting role to assist single parents with child rearing while the single parents are out earning a living. This has helped improve the economic conditions of the children by saving their parents the expense of child care facilities. Another benefit of such an arrangement is that "Children are usually comfortable with a relative as a babysitter" (Sweder, The Working Parent Dilemma). Recently, a Senator from Illinois and who is now the President Elect of the United States expressed gratitude to his grandmother who raised him and who also was raised in a single parent home. Senator Obama is living proof that children raised from single parent homes can be successful in life. Unfortunately, Senator Obama is the exception not the rule when it comes to the non traditional family and how it affects children. In most cases, "The problems that some children experience at home are brought to school and affect the quality of education. Social work and psychological counseling are now necessary adjuncts to schools from the preschool level through college" (Susan E. Klepp). The extended family's continual involvement in a child's development seems to have a positive influence as is with President Elect Obama who is a prime example.
While there seems to be a trend towards the traditional family and values, a complete reversal back to the post WWII era days of a dual parent household being the norm is highly unlikely. Due to the economic situations that families struggle with, increasing desires for both parents to be out in the workforce puts a strain on marriages. Do not expect to see an enormous increase in the family structure that was predominant in the 1950's as a vast majority, but perhaps the latest trends are longings for the traditional family.
There has been a call lately in public circles for fathers to take on a more active role in their children's lives which includes the grandparents of children who have gladly accepted the responsibilities of child rearing throughout the past few decades. The absences of fathers in many parent-child relationships have left scars on many children and many adults today still do not have a good relationship with their mostly absent father. When society begins to recognize the necessity and values of having both parents involved in child rearing, perhaps the ills in communities will diminish. Alienating children from one of their biological parents because of a harsh divorce has lasting effects on the children's psyche. Courts also bare the brunt of responsibility to insure that children will have increased visitation rights to at least one of their biological parents. It is up to the absent parent to exercise those rights to insure that visitations are frequent so as to not become a stranger to children. The effects on children surely will be more positive in the long run. Children of divorces will emerge into their adult lives feeling more sociologically balanced overall with less antipathy towards marriage and traditional family lifestyles when both parents are involved with their lives early on.
Every parent wants their children to achieve a happy and fulfilling life well into adulthood. The hopes and aspirations of all parents for their children's happiness and well being will depend on how we function and intersperse traditional family core values in our diverse society of today. The breakups of traditional families affect our children and it is up to us as parents not to abandon our children's thoughts and feelings while going through this transitional period of adjustment. Children are a part of the family as well and their well being should be given a higher priority during the breakup of a traditional family. This is the challenge that we as a society face today.

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Works Cited

Daly, Dr. James Dobson and Jim. "The Cost of Divorce ." May 2008. Focus on the Family. 28 October 2008 <http://www2.focusonthefamily.com/docstudy/newsletters/A000001145.cfm>.
Donovan, Patricia. "The decline of the Traditional Family." UBReporter 4 Feb 1999: Vol 30 pag 19.
"UB Today Archives." 4 Februrary 1999. UB Reporter. Ed. News Services Editor. 15 November 2008 <http://www.buffalo.edu/ubreporter/archives/vol30/vol30n19/n7.html>.
Dye, Tallese Johnson and Jane. "Indicators of Marriage and Fertility in the United States from the American Community Survey: 2000 to 2003." May 2005. U.S. Census Bureau . 15 November 2008 <http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/fertility/mar-fert-slides.html>.
McNicholas, Edna. "The Traditional Family is desappearing." January 2008 . Empire State College State University of New York. October 2008 <http://www.esc.edu/esconline/across_esc/writerscomplex.nsf/0/9526310C1C96BD80852569EE00551A86?opendocument>.
PHD, Lynn Bradley/Talia Kennedy/David Elkind. "Greater Good ." March 2008. Greater Good Spring of 2008 . October 2008 <http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/greatergood/2008spring/Elkind.pdf>.
Price, Joyce Howard. "Status of The Traditional Family." 28 May 1998. Traditional Family Nowhere Near Extinct Washington Times. 28 October 2008 <http://www.ncpa.org/pd/social/spmay98d.html National Center for Policy>.
Roberts, Sam. "Most Children still Live in Two Family Homes/New York Times ." 21 Februrary 2008. Proquest/Arapahoe Community College Littleton,CO Database. October 2008 <http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/21/us/21census.html>.
Service, Facts on File News. "Issues & Controversies on File." 7 May 1999. Facts on File News Service. 29 October 2008 <"Public Opinion on Divorce (sidebar)." Issues & Controversies On File 7 http://www.2facts.com>.
Susan E. Klepp, B.A. M.A.,Ph.D. "United States People." 29 October 2008. Microsoft Encarta Online Encyclopedia. 29 October 2008 <http://encarta.msn.com>.
Sweder, Earl A. Grollman and Gerri L. The Working Parent Dilemma. First. Boston: Beacon Press, 1986.
The Working Parent Dilemma. Boston: Beacon Press, 1986.
Troyer, Warner. Divorced Kids. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1980.